END NIGH; R U SAVED?

Preachers of the UO Campus

• The End [is] Nigh Guy: Kicks it Old Testament and is under the impression that the end is nigh. He's always on campus with his sign and his dog, who I nicknamed Azrael (I'm a terrible person, I know). He apparently doesn't believe in using the verb "to be," nor has he seen 28 Days Later. That sign should read "The end is extremely fucking nigh." Personal opinion.
• Jesus Loves U Bike Guy: New wave "Jesus luvs errbody" type. Rides around Eugene on a bike decorated with posterboards proclaiming this fact. He and The End [is] Nigh Guy are buddies and stand in the outdoor amphitheater together, silent stalwarts of the "hold a sign and convert the masses" movement. They're frequently used as a meeting spot, as in "I'll meet you for lunch at 3 by the Jesus Loves U guy." He appeared on an Arabic homework assignment I had last night. No shit, the instructions were, "Translate this conversation you overheard while standing next to the Jesus Loves U Bike Guy at the EMU Amphitheater."
  
• Fall of Babylon Guy: Not a campus regular like End [is] Nigh Guy and Jesus Loves U Guy, but occasionally appears 20 feet away from the pair and yells about the fall of Babylon. Noisy, but harmless.
• Angry/Loud Jesus Guy: The yin to Jesus Loves U Guy's yang. While not a regular, Angry/Loud Jesus Guy makes enough of an impression in one day to make up for his absences. Waving a sign that proclaims everyone from loose women to sports fans are going to hell, he yells at student passersby and intimidates them into loving Jesus. "Going to Hell Bingo" is a popular game in which you count how many demographics you belong to that are damned to hell based on his sign.